How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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