Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
