i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
