Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize