...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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