the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
