90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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