During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
