your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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