I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
