I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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