Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
