That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize