I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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