Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
