I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
