I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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