Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
