your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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