yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
