i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
