Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
