AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
