Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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