You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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