tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
