Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
