I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
