u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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