he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize