I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
