Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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