Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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