Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
