I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
