remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
