Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
