Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
