he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
