You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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