From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize