Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dear god my vagina.
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