if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
