We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
