If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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