Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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