she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
