I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
