there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
