i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
