pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
