You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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