it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
