I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
