you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
