Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
