She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize