glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
