Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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