i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
