i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
