so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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