Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
