I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
