Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
