didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
