there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
