Dual....:-)
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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