she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want her autograph on my taint
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
