ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
