we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
