If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
