whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize