Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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