She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
