you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
