you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
