Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
