Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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