If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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