I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
