Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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