I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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