turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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