So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm passing your future prison.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
