I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
