I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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