You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
