the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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