She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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