dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
