girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
