i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
