My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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