Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
