11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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