dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
