woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
