If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
