I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
